Internal Debate
Tonight, I was supposed to cook dinner for a girl. But then she called me up this morning saying that she didn't really feel comfortable coming over and that we should go elsewhere for a coffee (or something like that I don't really know it was in French). And what a shame this is! I had practiced the dish (chicken marsala) just the other night and it tasted great! I had all the necessary ingredients, plus wine and cappuccino (had she wanted either).
So I'm going to see her later, and I can't help asking myself whether or not to let her know about all the effort I put in to getting the dinner ready. I mean, what will I do with the ingredients at this point? Throw them out? Make the dinner for myself? I'm certain they will spoil soon.
You see how besetting it is to me, but that's not my point. I'm wondering if telling her about my effort is a way to make her feel guilty, maybe even to put her under me (figuratively), or in my debt. Anyone would have a drive to do this. It's the idea that I can but don't that bugs me. I mean, she doesn't know that I'm "sparing" her, and I could never tell her, because that categorically destroys "sparing" her.
After so many years of experience and reflection on situations exactly like this one, I've concluded that I actually can handle not telling her, and not getting the juicy satisfaction that comes with it. Of course, I'm telling you who are reading the blog, so it's not left completely unsaid. I think the true foundation of nobility (however skewed the definition may be in this case) lies in refusing to tell at least one other person about a good deed. You have to find the satisfaction within yourself.
It's like I've said: To discuss the philosophy would be a blatant and utter violation thereof.
So I'm going to see her later, and I can't help asking myself whether or not to let her know about all the effort I put in to getting the dinner ready. I mean, what will I do with the ingredients at this point? Throw them out? Make the dinner for myself? I'm certain they will spoil soon.
You see how besetting it is to me, but that's not my point. I'm wondering if telling her about my effort is a way to make her feel guilty, maybe even to put her under me (figuratively), or in my debt. Anyone would have a drive to do this. It's the idea that I can but don't that bugs me. I mean, she doesn't know that I'm "sparing" her, and I could never tell her, because that categorically destroys "sparing" her.
After so many years of experience and reflection on situations exactly like this one, I've concluded that I actually can handle not telling her, and not getting the juicy satisfaction that comes with it. Of course, I'm telling you who are reading the blog, so it's not left completely unsaid. I think the true foundation of nobility (however skewed the definition may be in this case) lies in refusing to tell at least one other person about a good deed. You have to find the satisfaction within yourself.
It's like I've said: To discuss the philosophy would be a blatant and utter violation thereof.
posted by Owen Martin | 2:37 PM
1 Comments:
owen-- definitely do NOT tell her.. not only will telling her give her the upper-hand in the relationship, but it'll make you out to be this emotional sap who let's petty shit get to you. i guess that'd be alright to show that side if you were looking for a serious relationship with her, but is that what you're really looking for? - best o' luck- dan
(as an aside, in judaism there are three levels of mitzvot (good deeds). the 1st is when to give charity to a person, but begrudge giving it to them. the 2nd is when you give, but the recipient knows who gave it to them. the 3rd and most righteous kind is when you give anonymously- because then it is the most selfless because you don't get to see how grateful the person was)
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