Excerpts

No, it's for all k. But the k = 0 fails... unless it works.

The freedom of thoughts in the abstract
It's like PBR cans mashed up
And a special groove

Why do they make songs with out of tune singers. Or singers in a different key. Or with non-hot girls?

Silently he moved about the kitchen
Smoking a chewed fagbutt

The smartest girl in Spain

Those who pray, those who think, those who speak

Hundreds of eyes on one point
Those eyes must have bodies
Eyes.

Balloon
On the eastern rim
Small, yet...

Business

What I don't like in a conversation is too many points of business. However, I dislike a lack of purpose as well.

The conversations I'm speaking of clearly aren't business-oriented, over-the-phone interviews. Then I have no problem. I actually mean more like hanging out with friends, calling beautiful girls, or meeting someone new on a train or in a bar.

So what's business? Almost invariably it is making plans to get together another time. There have been times when I could feel myself steering the conversation toward topics that might make the jump to making plans less awkward. But this ruins the whole talk! So in particular I'm sorry to RD for eliminating joyous bantar in favor of making a date, I'm sorry to Joe and Brian for constantly pressuring them for answers to my problems, and I'm sorry to every stranger I've met in a bar with whom I couldn't just relax.

Purpose, on the other hand, is organic. Having no purpose is quite obvious: disjoint sentences, with pauses, with no common theme. Organic purpose is effortless, exciting, and pure fun. So keep that in mind.

How to guide thoughts

Lately I've been investigating the inner workings of my brain. I've noticed that I like to trace any problem to its end. Frequently the "solution" to many of them are a blatant contradiction to the nature of things, which triggers an emotional reaction. Now I ask, why is this emotion always depression? How about I be mad? or sad? My new year's resolution had been not to be so hard on myself, and this is what I've just begun to do.

Is the life of an intellectual characterized by taking minor problems way to seriously? I like to think it's characterized by taking everything too seriously but also with integrity. That makes me feel alright. But that said, let me try, in writing, to discover the method I've been following these days to assuage the aforementioned bad effects.

First of all, life is life, and one day is only one day. So one day being good or bad shouldn't be reason to think they are all as such.
Nothing is symbolic.
One's 20s is for jerking off and playing nintendo... maybe doing some math too.
Jazz still exists, though not where I live.
Beautiful women still exist, though my meetings with them are usually quite short.
Keeping busy is a good thing.

No no no I want the thoughts. Yes, the thing I noticed is that I can ponder things to no end (no end because the end must be a contradiction), so I have to stop pondering them. Instead, I should ponder things which actually seem to bear fruit. That's the point. I think this is one tiny way in which I've grown up.

I have to learn to fantasize again, instead of considering only how to realize my fantasy. Done.