The promulgation of style

I asked myself: if my creativity is being stymied, at what juncture precisely is this happening?

That is to say, there must be something within me that keeps changing which leaves me with a slightly different personality than before. This must be the acquisition of style.

But reflection tells me that it must be a discrete moment. While it may be subconscious, there must be a moment when a true change in attitude comes to the surface. And I notice it.

I think what happens is that that moment I feel myself being "creative." I'm improvising, experimenting with a slightly different motif. I also noticed that if someone is around you then they notice that you're acting weird. On a more observable plane, you may notice that if you come back to your friends a few days later after having had an epiphane of sorts, they'll certainly think you're acting strangely. So imagine me: I always have a certain individual around me. The only way to avoid this feeling is either not to change, which I deem impossible, or to change into precisely the person that I think she expects out of me.

And they say you can't change someone... you're doing it all the time!

So, in the spirit of monitoring on all possible levels I brought it up. I said to her: I think I'm going to act a little eccentric. Will this preface truly curb that look in her eye or will it just palliate it? And if the latter is the case, will that be enough to regain style? We'll see.

Am I the only one who's fucking normal anymore?

Sorry for the curse in the title. I just feel bad when I change Eminem's lines.

So, Saturday morning I suggest to a McGillian friend of mine nee in Ontario that my girlfriend, Joanna, would be lucky if she moved to America now because of the exchange rate. It wouldn't be too expensive to start there, and after she got a job, it wouldn't matter anyway. (Deep down, I don't know if I can testify that this comment was made to make conversation without having to result in an overstated political theorem)(that's because I've gotten too accustomed to doing so, I don't notice if it's happening or not).

She responds, "Yes, but then she'd have to live in the States." I return the blankest stare I can muster, and she said, "Sorry, dude."

I must say, you don't have to be a die-hard liberal if you don't want to! But wait, your boyfriend and all his friends are.... hmmm... I guess it is a little hard to found your own ideas under that context (yeah, right!). But even then, you could go to the source and make some conclusions and simply keep quiet when things arise. Like me. Then again, I didn't really do a good job of that since everyone hates me anyway: I am the embodiment of what their fighting against right? I mean, they have no trouble taking down an ignorant evangelican, but an actually intellectual who's conservative? Lo and behold! O wept! But still I'm sure with your social skills you can avoid having to show conviction on any issue. But then, you are Canadian, and nationality is much more important that well-being or integrity.

Don't take that too seriously, but be warned: if your only news source is your friends, you forfeit your right to an opinion.

What's more! The next member of the group sends out emailings semiweekly with political propaganda! What pretensiousness! What gall do you have in you that convinces you that people want deep down to read the quasi-intellectual slanted jerky you can produce. I'd seriously like to discuss this at length. Someone email me.

And there's more. I mean, what has four years here at a difficult university taught you? Band together in packs? Survival of the fittest? If you're not with us, you're against us? And since I can't claim to know so much more about adult life I have to wonder: what is going to happen to me out there. Will I find another group with an equally unfounded demagogue which sucks in potentially free thinkers?

I'll be back. I'm not done.

Whew! Back.

Hi there--with smily face--good to see you.

Yes I've been gone for a while but I had a good reason: my girlfriend started reading my blog. In fact, I'd say she was the only one, but that would prove that you do not exist, which is impossible, since you are reading this.

That is a good reason: and here's why. If she reads whatever I write, prepared to criticize, then it's as if I'm writing these entries to her. But then I also have to write them to a general audience. Writing to both of these readers at once is impossible without either a lack of shame on my part or a lack of content on the blog's part.

Frankly, I'm quite frank in here. I'm that way that 13 year olds get when they think all non-sexually perverted thoughts and present them to slightly older compassionates in order to confuse them and ellicit pity.

In a sense, this blog has a better existence without followers, but that lack of followers eliminates its existence.

Still, it's free, so why not do it, Owen?

Why not,
owen.