Bjork

Let me preface this discussion of Bjork with a discussion of Bjork's looks. Not unlike most guys I've talked to, I don't find her very attracitve. But no one can deny that she is extremely cute. I've always been of the school: cute $\Rightarrow$ hot. And in this case it just might work.

On to the music. I've come to realize that Bjork's lyrics are a lot deeper than my first impression. Surely the melodies are always a combination of melancholy, sinister, lyrical, and playful, and always with dark harmonies. The lyrics, to me, don't look very good on paper. Let me cite one that I will investigate in more detail as time goes on:

This way is as is she
And he placed her
Unclothed
Long long longlegged
Atop of the family tree

And if he has chosen the point
While she is under him
Then leave her coily placed crouched sucking him
For it is I with
Her on knee

It seems that these words are mostly all cloying, typical poetic words. "Longlegged", "family tree", "coily" are all words that a crappy poet would force into a poem. But with her, the lyrics go along perfectly with the timbre of her voice, the melodies, and especially her style. She sings high, almost weakly, but almost too strong as well. One word for it: emotional. I've compared her singing to other female singers of a similar genre (cf. Inara George) and it's as if the other women are singing this way because they imagine other people will understand them better if they do. Bjork, on the other hand, sings this way because this is the way she feels.

There is no way for me to know this, of course, but that's the effect the music has on me. And well, that's all that matters. Now let's reëxamine the lyrics. You may have noticed that they're actually very explicit. They're exposing. And when Bjork sings these words it's as if she's showing us one of her most private moments. Whereas other girls (singers or not) expect me to understand the profundity of their virginity (albeit gone), with her I don't need any background! I grasp her emotions without any historical context. I consider this a virtue in any art form.

To top off the Bjork anecdote, let me say that she's a kind of girl I've become familiar with. The emotional type. And my desire for a girl like this just increases exponentially when I hear her sing about it. And why shouldn't I want a girl like this? It's as if my whole life I've been trying to find an antidote to this type. I think it's better to take each girl as objectively as possible, each time a new one comes around.

But that said, Bjork is unique. Which is why I'm so happy I wound up fucking her in a recent dream! Yes, I think one's allowed to be proud of that. I mean, it happens about as often as actually getting laid, and about as arbitrarily as well. Okay, it's not the same pride, but it's pride nonetheless.

Clothes

There seems to have developed a clothes problem. You may have noticed,
if you've known me personally, that my style of dressing is usually
referred to as "European", "metrosexual", or "gay". Not that I'm all
that extreme with it. And that's my point.

What if I were to tell you that I really hate wearing clothes that
flop out the front, bulge out the back, hang off my shoulders, or fall
down my hips. Can you accept that? Good then know this: only clothes
marked with a capital S are the ones which don't do this! I think I'm
entitled as much as anyone to present myself as aesthetically as I
can, and not only that, I prefer to!

Basically, you have two options with clothes, once you become aware of
their impact. First, you can dress to blend in perfectly. No one can
claim your clothes are bad, but there's nothing special to them. This
is what I did in high school by wearing college t-shirts and khaki's.

The other option is to dress to impress. How do you impress people if
you're not going to a black-tie event? You have to make it subtle.
Very subtle. Here's where I find suburban New Jersey (spelled
Nugioirsi in Italian, by the way) fails miserably. Basically I see
three options: you have no clue and so wear sweatshirts, you're too
lazy to dress so you wear track pants, or you want to get laid so you
wear Abercrombie button-downs. So I'm not going to imitate the people
around me. Not now.

The issue goes very deep into personality. The point being that you
imitate the personality of the person who would wear the clothes
you're wearing. Maybe I would be cool with this shit if I actually
wore the uber-American style I encounter from time to time. But as of
yet I can't handle putting forth a face like that. My body isn't big,
my face isn't gruff, my hair is blond. I dress accordingly.

The anti-anti-racist

You may be thinking that's a double negative, but consider it as a
philosophy that calls for as pure objectivism as you can muster.

Consider the following article:

http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110007457

Here, Shelby Steele exhibits the relationship between blacks and
whites in the same style as Simone de Beauvoir famously did between
men and women back in the 1950s. This method is definitely a very
useful approach to sociology. I myself have noticed the concept of
definition by the "other" in many aspects of life, particularly
Canada, and how much Canadian culture is defined by its difference
from American culture.

But let me apply some idealism here. The goal is for the "name, age,
race, creed" of people not to make them unequal. (Sorry, that was a
forced quotation from Ulysses). Using the sociological strategy above,
while it breeds perspective on the situation, does not lead us to the
ideal. As the means lie embedded in the ends, real racial equality
will not be obtained using this sociological phenomenon to guide us.

I'm young enough to remember when I was young enough to approach the
subject perfectly objectively. Unlike my parents' generation, I had no
need to be anti-racist, because I was never racist in the first place.
The fact of the matter is that anti-racism is a form of racism in
itself. So I became an anti-anti-racist. Which is to say I do not
support bastardizations of the language (and especially our laws!) in
support of some conquest over racism.

Unfortunately, after time, anti-anti-racism will be considered racism
as well. Which means that the true objective stance recurs infinitely.
A difficult proposition and one which I have yet to resolve.

The other point here is that I demand of my peers the same objective
stance that I have. Or moreso. If you can't take the heat, get out of
my generation.

Where to live...

Take the Hill Center as the center point. Then consider New Jersey as a state and all its possible living locations. This is the biggest decision pending right now. So let's go through them.

1) Stay here in grad housing. This place sucks. I mean, I did meet some cool people so far, and it's kinda cool that we're all together here. But altgother it blows. It's not the city. The only way I'd consider another year here is if I actually got a car and that made a big difference.

2) The College Ave. side of New Brunswick. Filled with students-- undergrad style. Lots of life at night, but no nightlife. I mean, there's junk around, and it is junk, but at least it's around.

3) The Clydz side of New Brunswick. I just mentioned the best part-- the martini bar. There are quite a few 20-somethings in this region, but the region is small. Very small. And it doesn't peter out, it turns into a ghetto. A little more expensive than College Ave. but probably not to the point of fault. There's a starbucks and shitty grocerty store.

4) Highland Park. This is on the other side of the river from the NB train station. An old Jewish community. Some cute stores, most likely closed on saturdays. The commute to school is a few minutes with a car, 20 minutes on bike, 30-40 on foot. The main draw of this area is that there are stores so I wouldn't need a car, and the fact that lots of grad students I've met are considering moving there. I really like the idea of a grad student community.

5) Newark-- still Brick City. No further info.

6) Princeton. Pretty, expensive, stores. Probably couldn't get a place close enough to the train station. So I'd need a car. This is a bit of a contradiction.

7) Jersey City. A veritable Balhalla. So close to Manhattan you can see the skyline. It's also got a cute light rail that will take you to Hoboken. I'll see more about this place on Sunday, but it's very cool. Now here's the problem: I have the commute clocked at 1:20 during normal hours, almost 2 on off hours (i.e. 10PM etc.). This means I've got to be really sure. I do like to read on the train, and to be honest I don't get much reading done in life anyway so this is an opportunity. Two more issues: some of the stat kids I talked to said they might want to move out there. Maybe I could organize a carpool. The other one: Joe is a potential roommate in a venture like this, which would be very cool. The other thing is that that might not be available if I put the move to Jersey City off a year and chill in New Brunswick next year.

See? Lots of research. Pretty good, huh?

Ten things I hate about...

I'll imitate my brother's list of ten things I just don't give a fuck about. He extended the invitation, as usual, to his inner circle, rather than to the world as a whole, which would include me.

10) Sewing
9) Hiking
8) Ancient Greek
7) The Blues
6) Fast Italian cars
5) K-rock
4) Russia
3) Global Warming
2) Che Guevara
1) Fantasy novels

Hm. I didn't put much thought into the order. Take them as equal. I will, however, to further expose my own personality, put up things that I am interested in which are antonyms to these just mentioned.

10) Fashion
9) Walking
8) Latin
7) Jazz
6) Maximas
5) NPR
4) America
3) Gas Prices
2) Robert Moses
1) Good literature

Is it coffee?

I like coffee.

I like tea, I love the java jive and it loves me. I still remember all the old songs I used to sing with Joanna. Those were great times-- how I wished she'd wanted to do it more often! Or that I'd met someone since who can sing jazz. Well, besides me. But then I'd still have to find someone to accompany me!

My voice has gotten a lot better in the last year. I mean, I made my biggest breakthrough about three years ago when I realized that if my notes were anything they were flat. So I sharpened them up etc. And my latest progress has mainly been motivated by actually singing in my range (which is about a 4th down from where I've been having to sing my whole life). And in addition I've been adjusting to what my voice sounds like. It's that I take the sound that's there and make it good, rather than take what I think would sound good and try to make it my voice.

This is what I think Chalie Parker did. I feel with his time, that he knows exactly when the note comes out of his instrument, not that he knows when the beat is and then he blows to hit it. That's why he sounds so relaxed even though he's going a million miles an hour.

I still need more inspiration to sing the songs. And write new ones. The world can always use more music. What kind of KCRW member would I be if I didn't believe so?

What I should have said

I've taken to carrying a white notebook around with me at all times, and when I stumble upon an especially well-constructed thought, I write it down. Not very original. But notice that, based on my personality, these thoughts will most likely be what I'd say to certain people at certain times. And the more I analyze them, the more I get to know myself. So let me dive into the theory another time, and start posting these snipits of fake conversations right away.

Unless stated otherwise, I of my current age am the speaker. You can probably judge the context.


*** It's so liberal of you: Crowding out everything we want because of this addiction to compromise!

-To my mom and Rob

*** It's good to hear (obviously anyone likes to hear that sombody wants him), but you'd better give me a few days to let this information sink in, lest I say something I don't mean.

-To Shadia if she ever called me

*** You're the best Starbuck's employee I've ever seen... you make me enjoy my frappuccino so much more.

-To the cute girl in the Starbucks

*** I forgot that life goes on after the Ph.D. The question is: will I be so drastically changed that that life isn't worth it?

-To people who know how to have fun.

***I cannot and should not compartmentalize these aspects of my life.

-To my dad

*** I have a number of things I'd like to discuss with you, not the least trivial of which is ars amatoria.

-To Sara, the sexy post-doc

*** Think of July 1, 2005 as microcosm of what I can accomplish in the next four years. Is that fair? To dip current standards to spring higher next time? Of course. It's called investment.

-A pep talk

*** I particularly like the idea of studying at the New York Public Library.

-To my dad

*** This notebook is an exercise in thought collection, and boredom. To have a new thought I must cease reflection on the idea of having a new one. Therefore, I do not sit down and write. I sit and think. And when a new thought comes, I write it down.

-To someone special enough to read this notebook

*** Whereas the Greeks were thrilled to develop reasonable thoughts on metaphysics and technology, I will be forever plagued by the fact that these thoughts have no end.

-To purveyors of science

*** For me, philosophy is more the exercise of saying the problems of the human condition more and more poetically, than it is to develop a system of thought which is somehow deeper than the one I already have.

-To my European self

***The very last time I walked home at dawn.

-A Montreal sympathizer

***I'm trying to reclaim all the old aspects of my life, but now they've been perverted.

-To my future girlfriend

***Is there anyone you think you might want to bring to the party?

-To the hot girl in break-dancing class (a subtle boyfriend inquiry)

*** I see now that statistical procedures can be motivated both by actual situations and purely mathematical theory. When think through both of these faculties simultaneously, one approaches the noumena we're studying. Question: Is the point of studying statistics to mathematically justify procedures and ideas that are intuitively useful?

-To my future self